Irish News

Waterford Whispers News

Young Lads In Pub Queuing To Use The Toilet Cubicle A Lot

STAFF and punters at O’Donnell’s bar in Waterford were said to be at odds over an ongoing queue of sniffling men in the toilets, who appeared to be regularly taking turns using the one and only cubicle in the men’s jacks, WWN has learned.

Performing a routine check on ...

yesterday 20:13 open_in_new
Man’s LinkedIn Profile Would Swear He Didn’t Shit Himself At House Party Last Month

SHOWCASING a warm smile that communicated an approachable yet professional demeanour, Cathal Drealin’s new LinkedIn profile bore no traces of the man who as recently as 4 weeks ago had to excuse himself from a house party after shitting his pants.

Using LinkedIn to detail his career ...

yesterday 14:58 open_in_new
Landlord Stunned To Find He’s Charging Well Under Average Monthly Rent

DUBLIN landlord Damian Phelan is to take a long, hard look at himself and his business acumen, after the latest Daft.ie survey showed that he is charging way under the average monthly rent of €2,000 for his North Dublin property.

Phelan, who has let out his 3-bedroom rental property to ...

yesterday 12:52 open_in_new
Noel Grealish Treated For Severe Knuckle Wounds After Years Of Dragging

INDEPENDENT TD Noel Grealish spent last night in hospital after dragging his knuckles so hard along the ground for the past 53 years, that he had to have an emergency skin graft operation in a bid to save his shredded hands.

“There was nothing but bone and tendons left when he was ...

yesterday 12:52 open_in_new
Neighbour Installing Solar Roof Tiles Got To Be Taking The Fucking Piss

FERGUS Fennell, a right busy body and resident of Waterford estate Oak Grove has got to be taking the fucking piss with his new solar panel tiles, his neighbours have confirmed to WWN.

“Ah, Jesus, he’s embarrassing himself there now Eileen, he’s the hard hat on and ...

2019-11-12 17:52 open_in_new
HSE Admitted To A&E

THE government has asked for everyone in Ireland to keep the HSE in their thoughts today, after the ailing health service was rushed to A&E in the early hours of this morning after suffering a near-fatal fall in confidence.

The 14-year-old system has been in ill health following a ...

2019-11-12 17:52 open_in_new
World’s Forests ‘Self-Immolating Over Climate Change’

THE FORESTS outside Sydney, Australia have become the most recent wooded area to set itself on fire in a protest against climate change, following the example lead by the Amazonian rainforests earlier this year, and the subsequent Californian forest fires.

It is believed the forests are ...

2019-11-12 15:46 open_in_new
Futurewatch: Taoiseach Lisa Smith Elected Leader Of Islamic Republic Of Ireland

FUTUREWATCH: where we take a glimpse into the Ireland of tomorrow using state of the art technology that fell off the back of a truck earmarked for a US military research facility.

The year is 2030 and Ireland elects its first female Taoiseach to rule over the recently renamed Islamic ...

2019-11-12 15:46 open_in_new
Warmer Outside Than In, Confirms Waterford Mother

CLIMATE change? Poor insulation? Magic? Whatever the explanation, one woman WWN spoke too on the subject of temperatures is adamant that she’s warmer when she’s outside exposed to the elements than when she’s inside her Waterford home.

Mother-of-four Sheila O’Neal ...

2019-11-11 20:52 open_in_new
Guardiola’s Wife Sick Of Hearing About Handball Decision

AFTER numerous 6-year-old children failed to adequately calm him down by pointing out “it’s only a game of fucking football, relax” Man City manager Pep Guardiola still has a constant stream of steam emanating from his ears following his team’s 3-1 loss to Liverpool, ...

2019-11-11 16:40 open_in_new
Sighing & Tutting Loudly Proven To Make Queues In Shops Move Faster

RETAIL STAFF working in busy shops have confirmed a long running rumour about their profession for the first time in a world exclusive for WWN.

Customers who find themselves joining the back of a queue in a shop and immediately tut, hiss, guffaw or grumble demonstrably to give effect to ...

2019-11-11 16:40 open_in_new
WWN Creator Talks To The Buckshot Podcast

WWN creator Colm Williamson talks to Tom O’Mahony on the Buckshot Podcast about, Denis O’Brien’s lawyers, bluffing it as a restaurant boss and the glorious Waterford accent.

...
2019-11-09 14:16 open_in_new
Local Woman Always Carrying A Bottle Of Water Around With Her

“Hydration is key”; the phrase most uttered by Dublin woman Susie Breen (27) who since kick-starting a new ‘health and wellness’ routine earlier this year has had a stainless steel water bottle glued to her hand, constantly used to replenish her body’s water ...

2019-11-09 12:10 open_in_new
Man Cheating On His Barber With Another Barber

“When I looked in the window the line was too long…I mean we’re talking a 30 minute wait just for a quick trim, so…I’m not proud of it, but, I went to Short Back ‘n’ Sidez instead,” shared Brian Crean before bursting into guilt infused ...

2019-11-09 12:10 open_in_new
Losing Your Shit When The Car In Front Of You Obeys The Speed Limit, A Guide

THERE’S SOME pig ignorant pricks out there on our roads, chief among them, idiotic drivers who think they’re big and clever by driving the speed limit.

Fifty? FIFTY? Fifty measly kilometres in a fifty kilometre zone? What sort of deviant would debase themselves with such ...

2019-11-08 15:10 open_in_new
Basic Bitch Doesn’t Even Have Her Nipple Pierced

A DUBLIN woman has been labelled a boring and most ‘basic’ of bitches by her peers after it emerged she doesn’t even have her nipple pierced.

Nipple piercing, which took over from tattoos, which took over from belly button piercing, which took over from eyebrow piercing, ...

2019-11-08 15:10 open_in_new
Struggling RTÉ To Sell Vacant Homes On Fair City Set

HAVE you ever wanted to be part of a modern day soap opera surrounded by dozens of film crew members, loud actors and overly paid TV producers? Well, this could be your big opportunity as RTÉ announced it will be selling off 8 vacant plywood set homes on the Fair City site.

Even though ...

2019-11-08 13:04 open_in_new
Dublin Lads Down The Country Sticking Out Like Sore Thumbs

KITTED out in brand new, freshly purchased hiking gear that even Bear Grylls would consider excessive, a group of intrepid Dubliners are sticking out like the sorest of thumbs during their weekend sojourn to County Clare.

Looking like walking advertisements for North Face, Columbia and ...

2019-11-07 16:04 open_in_new
Work Friend Thinks You’re Her Friend Friend

A SERIES of embarrassing misunderstandings have led one work colleague to misread the signs and conclude that she is your friend friend and not merely your work friend, WWN can exclusively reveal.

Noreen in HR has often provided amiable company in the office with polite small talk when ...

2019-11-07 16:04 open_in_new
Nation Finally Waking Up To How Awesome Cocaine Is

IRELAND has begun to question its reliance on alcohol as it’s intoxicant of choice, after hearing nothing but good reports about the energy-packed euphoric goodness of that sweet, sweet cocaine.

Once considered a ‘rich man’s drug’, cocaine use has grown in Ireland ...

2019-11-07 13:58 open_in_new
Save 25c On Your Coffee By Drinking It Directly From The Machine

SAVVY caffeine fans have outlined their plans to lie underneath coffee machines and allow the scalding hot liquid to pour directly into their open mouths, in a bid to avoid the incoming 25 cent single-use coffee cup levy aimed at tackling excess waste.

“The government think they can ...

2019-11-06 15:55 open_in_new